A Saiyan Mating Ritual
by Saiyan
Summary: Vegeta needs an heir so Bulma agrees to go through the Saiyan mating ritual...but what horrors are involved? What humiliating tasks have to be done? And will Bulma's pride survive it? Or worst of all..will Trunks be at risk of never being born? Rated for


**A Saiyan Mating Ritual** by Saiyan  
  
Setting: Two years before the androids arrive. Bulma and Vegeta have been together for 3 months.   
  
"Onna get in here now!" Vegeta demanded   
Bulma walked out of her laboratory and into the livingroom where Vegeta was sitting comfortably on the couch.   
"WHAT THE HELL IS IT THIS TIME?! I HAVEN'T GOT THE CAPSULE FIXED YET AND THE MORE YOU BUG ME THE LONGER IT WILL TAKE TO FIX" Bulma yelled   
"I wasn't going to ask about the capsule" Vegeta said   
"Then WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" Bulma asked angrily   
"I need an heir to the Saiyan throne, that's what" Vegeta said   
"So what? That's your problem" Bulma said   
"I need you to provide me with one" Vegeta said   
"So the mighty prince is asking me for a favor huh?" Bulma mocked   
"I DO NOT NEED A FAVOR! I NEED AN HEIR!" Vegeta yelled   
"So you think I'll just fuck you because you want a kid?" Bulma asked   
"You can create him in your lab for all I care, I just need someone to carry on the royal blood line" Vegeta said   
"Ok Vegeta, I guess I'll do this for you but first you have to do something for me" Bulma said   
Vegeta was almost afraid to ask but at the same time he was curious to know what she wanted him to do.   
"What?" Vegeta asked   
"Just repeat after me" Bulma said   
Vegeta didn't like where this was going but he didn't have much of a choice.   
"Fine" Vegeta said   
"I am Prince Vegeta" Bulma began   
"I am Prince Vegeta" Vegeta said   
_Maybe this won't be too bad afterall_ Vegeta thought   
"But I'm not much of a prince since I only have three subjects and I don't even have a planet" Bulma continued   
"I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT!!" Vegeta yelled   
"Say it or your blood line dies with you" Bulma threatened   
"buti'mnotmuchofaprincesinceionlyhavethreesubjectsandidon'tevenhaveaplanet" Vegeta said as quickly as he could   
Bulma laughed at this but continued on.   
"And I'm weaker than two of them and the only one I'm stronger than is eight years old" Bulma continued   
"I AM THE STONGEST WARRIOR THAT HAS EVER LIVED!!!" Vegeta yelled   
"Yea, except for Goku, Frieza, and that new kid" Bulma said   
"andi'mweakerthantwoofthemandtheonlyonei'mstrongerthaniseightyearsold" Vegeta said quickly   
"And Bulma is the greatest genius who has ever lived and I am her male bitch" Bulma continued   
"I WILL NOT SAY THAT!!!" Vegeta yelled   
"Ok, I guess that was going a bit far, that's all" Bulma said   
"Ok, now we need to go through the mating ceremony" Vegeta said   
"Ceremony? I thought we were just going to fuck?" Bulma asked confused   
"Maybe mating rituals aren't important to you humans but they're important to Saiyans" Vegeta said   
"But Goku didn't go through any Saiyan ritual with Chi Chi" Bulma said   
"Well he also didn't realize he was a Saiyan until four years ago" Vegeta said   
"Fine, what do these rituals involve?" Bulma asked   
"You'll see, first you need to make some Saiyan armor for yourself" Vegeta said   
"Ok, that shouldn't be too hard" Bulma said   
Bulma went into her lab and two hours later came out wearing her Saiyan armor.   
"What do you think Vegeta?" Bulma asked showing off her incredibly sexy Saiyan armor   
"It's a little too form fitting to be true Saiyan armor but I guess it'll work" Vegeta said   
"So what now?" Bulma asked   
"Now we both need tails" Vegeta said   
"Ooo, I never knew Saiyans were so kinky" Bulma said sexily   
Vegeta blushed a little bit.   
"Will you shut up and get us tails already!" Vegeta yelled   
"Fine, I think I can find something" Bulma said   
Bulma walked into her lab and began digging around.   
"I got it" Bulma said as she came out of her lab with two capsules   
"You have tails in those things?" Vegeta asked   
"Yea, they're Daniel Boone hat capsules" Bulma said   
"Who the hell is Daniel Boone?" Vegeta asked   
"He was a hick that wore hats made from raccoon skins" Bulma said as she opened the capsules and showed Vegeta the hats   
"And people wear that?" Vegeta asked   
"Some do" Bulma said   
"I think I should tell you that the tails cannot be on the head" Vegeta said   
"I figured that so I'm going to cut these tails off the hats" Bulma said   
Bulma grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the tails off the hats.   
"Now we just need to stick them part way in our pants" Bulma said   
"We need to go outside for this part" Vegeta said as he started walking outside   
"Ok" Bulma said as she followed him   
"Now we need to face Planet Vegeta" Vegeta said   
"And just how are we supposed to find a planet that doesn't exist anymore?" Bulma asked   
"You have one of those holographic portable starmaps that are updated with the earth's orbit don't you?" Vegeta asked   
"Yea" Bulma said   
"So go get it" Vegeta said   
Bulma walked into the house and got the starmap and brought it outside.   
"So what were the coordinates of Planet Vegeta?" Bulma asked   
"1398AR" Vegeta said   
Bulma entered the coordinates on the starmap.   
"Ok it says it's right over there" Bulma said pointing to the north   
"Ok, now put your tail on" Vegeta said   
Vegeta and Bulma both put their tails on. Bulma looked over her left shoulder at her tail and wiggled her ass.   
"I was right, this IS kinky" Bulma said   
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ONNA, THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS SAIYAN RITUAL! NOT SOMETHING OUT OF A PORN MOVIE!" Vegeta yelled   
"Whatever" Bulma said   
"Now what?" Bulma asked   
"Now you need to make me bleed" Vegeta said   
"Ok, I'll go get a knife" Bulma said   
"NO! You are not allowed to cut me" Vegeta said   
"Then how am I supposed to do it?" Bulma asked   
"Punch me in the nose as hard as you can" Vegeta said   
"Ok" Bulma said   
Bulma brought her fist back and punched Vegeta hard in the nose.   
"Can't you hit harder than that?" Vegeta asked angrily   
Bulma punched Vegeta several more times in the nose but was unable to draw blood.   
"Wait, I got an idea" Bulma said as she ran into the house   
Bulma soon came running back out with a frying pan.   
"I'll hit you in the nose with the frying pan" Bulma said   
"Fine just hurry up" Vegeta said   
Bulma brought the frying pan back and hit Vegeta hard several times right on his nose but was unable to draw blood. Bulma continued to hit Vegeta on the face but then began hitting him on the back of the head as well and then she kicked him in the nuts really hard. Vegeta fell on the ground doubled over.   
"what the hell did you do that for?" Vegeta managed to choke out   
"Sorry Vegeta, I just got carried away" Bulma said with a giggle   
Vegeta managed to pull himself up.   
"Ok, you can continue now, but DON'T KICK ME AGAIN!" Vegeta yelled   
"Wait, I got a better idea Vegeta" Bulma said   
Vegeta crossed his arms expecting Bulma to do something stupid. Bulma took off her Saiyan armor and pulled off her shirt and bra in one quick motion. Vegeta's nose sprayed blood all over the ground in front of him. Bulma put her bra and shirt back on and then put the Saiyan armor back on.   
"So how was that?" Bulma asked   
Vegeta was in a daze that Bulma managed to snap him out of with one hit of the frying pan.   
"Ok now we can continue" Vegeta said   
"So what's next?" Bulma asked   
"Next we bite each other's noses, you can go first" Vegeta said   
Bulma leaned in and bit Vegeta's nose as hard as she could.   
"OUCH!!" Vegeta yelled as he pulled away   
"Like that?" Bulma asked   
"NO! A gentle gnawing, not a 'I'm gonna bite your nose off you damn bastard' bite" Vegeta said   
"Ok, let me try again" Bulma said   
"No, I'll go first" Vegeta said   
Vegeta leaned in and softly bit Bulma's nose and then pulled back.   
"Like that" Vegeta said   
Bulma tried again and got it right.   
"So what's next?" Bulma asked   
"Next we need to go back into the house" Vegeta said   
Bulma followed Vegeta back into the house.   
"Now you need to go to your room and stay there until I tell you to come down" Vegeta said "Why?" Bulma asked   
"I have some rituals to perform down here that have to be done in private" Vegeta said   
"Fine" Bulma said   
Bulma went into her room and closed the door. She laid down on her bed and waited for what seemed like an eternity.   
"Ok, come out now" Vegeta said   
"It's about damn time, I thought I was going to grow old and die in there" Bulma said as she walked out her door   
"Oh please, it was only ten minutes" Vegeta said   
"So what do we do now?" Bulma asked   
"Now come to the middle of the livingroom" Vegeta said   
Bulma walked to the middle of the livingroom.   
"Now you need to stand on your head" Vegeta said   
"Ok" Bulma said as she stood on her head   
"Now you need to quack like a duck" Vegeta said   
"WHAT?!" Bulma yelled   
"You have to quack" Vegeta said   
Bulma looked at Vegeta's face searching for any sign that this was just a joke but saw none.   
"Fine, quack quack" Bulma said   
"You have to be more enthusiastic than that" Vegeta said   
"Quack quack, QUACK QUACK!" Bulma said   
"Now you need to stand up again" Vegeta said   
Bulma stood up.   
"Now you need to yell 'Vegeta is the greatest Saiyan who has ever lived'" Vegeta said   
Bulma glared at him.   
"This is part of the ritual?" Bulma asked suspiciously   
"Yes" Vegeta said   
"So on Planet Vegeta when a Saiyan female went through this mating ritual she would have to say you were the greatest Saiyan alive?" Bulma asked suspiciously   
"No, they would have to say that their mate is the greatest Saiyan who has ever lived" Vegeta explained   
"Fine, VEGETA IS THE GREATEST SAIYAN WHO HAS EVER LIVED!" Bulma yelled   
"Now you need to get down on your hands and knees and squeal like a pig" Vegeta said   
Bulma glared at him as she got on her hands and knees.   
"You never said anything like this was in the ritual" Bulma said   
"I never said it wasn't either" Vegeta said   
Bulma glared at Vegeta.   
"Eeeeeeee!" Bulma squealed   
"Now you can get back up" Vegeta said   
Bulma stood back up.   
"What now?" Bulma asked angrily   
"Now you have to bow and kiss my feet" Vegeta said   
"THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO DO THAT!" Bulma yelled angrily   
"You agreed to go through with the ritual so you have to, besides it's almost over" Vegeta said   
"FINE YOU BASTARD!!" Bulma yelled as she bowed and kissed his feet   
Bulma stood up.   
"Now you have to say that you are stupid and could never match my intelligence" Vegeta said   
"NEVER!!" Bulma yelled   
"If you don't I won't fight the androids" Vegeta said   
"Fine, let them kill you" Bulma said   
"I'll just leave the planet, I'm sure I could find a nice new home in the west quadrant while earth is being destroyed" Vegeta said smugly   
"FINE YOU SONOFABITCH!" Bulma yelled angrily   
"I'm stupid and can never match your intelligence" Bulma said angrily   
"Great, now just one more thing" Vegeta said   
"I fucking swear Vegeta if it's like the last one you'll regret it" Bulma threatened   
"Don't worry, the worst is over, now you get to do something easier" Vegeta said   
"What?" Bulma asked   
"Now you have to do the YMCA dance and sing the song too" Vegeta said   
"ALRIGHT VEGETA I KNOW YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP SO JUST ADMIT IT!" Bulma yelled   
"Of course I made it up" Vegeta said   
"So how much of it was fake anyway?" Bulma asked angrily   
"Everything after the nose biting" Vegeta said with a smirk   
"So you just did this to get revenge for the things I made you say?" Bulma asked angrily   
"Yes, and to have a video tape of the revenge" Vegeta said   
Bulma looked around the room and noticed a camcorder that was recording everything.   
"So you see, I got everything I wanted, I got revenge and I'll soon have an heir" Vegeta said smugly   
"Sure you'll have an heir, but not until I let you" Bulma said as she stormed into her lab angrily   
_Waiting doesn't bother me this time because soon I will have an heir and that makes it worth the wait_ Vegeta thought as he put the videotape he just made into the VCR and hit play   
  
The End   
  
(Well it was a little different than some of the other Bulma and Vegeta fics out there, at least the one's I've seen anyway. I would have done it a little differently if I could have imagined Vegeta getting all romantic but for some bizarre reason I can't see it happening like that so I had him ask for a kid. So tell me if you liked it or hated it so I can decide if I should make a prequel to this fic and maybe a sequel too.) 


End file.
